Finding balance in a world of duality.
There's a secret I want to let you in on - you know that divide you see and feel emerging in all areas of life? Extremists in every corner demanding that THEIR view is THEE view? Pick a social media feed, any social media feed and feast your eyes.
What if I were to tell you that the same level of divide is within each of us. The only reason why we are experiencing this at the macro level of life is because it's now become collective consciousness, a reflection of what lies right beneath the surface in all of us.
Let me introduce the main characters:
The Ruler
Don't start no stuff, won't be no stuff. I know what I want, when I want it - and I want it now. You can't tell me nothin' - I am on a mission, spoiler alert: that mission is ruled by impulse and not inspired action. (I'll get to that a bit later).
The Rebel
Because you want me to buy what you are sellin' so bad, I think I will choose the opposite - like wayyy opposite. No one tells me what do to - except for me. I can feel my inner knowing saying 'yea but, is this really what is best for me??' with a snap back of YUP! (hi ego, great to see you again), I will because I can, I am in control, I can totally handle this!
Either sound familiar?
(Hint: The Ruler and The Rebel live within us all to some degree, which leaves us victim to all or nothing thinking and significant feelings of shame and guilt). From my life experience, addiction can live here, yo-yo weight loss, anxiety and depression - they all get nice and cozy in this great divide.
Note: I am not a doctor, psychologist, or anyone else here to diagnose. I'm here to share my personal experience by cutting through the diagnosis that we all seem to want, in an effort to get you closer to the root cause.
All or Nothing
Feast or Famine
Hot or Cold
Love or Hate
^^^ Pick a saying, any saying.
Each of these sayings has shown up in one way or another in my life - until I got woke, none of these things could co-exist.
For me? Weight, Relationships, Productivity all had MAJOR swings. Either I was feeling like ruler supreme or rebelling against my own knowing. You couldn't even tell me there was an in-between. The in-between is weak sauce - it's diluted, it's not powerful. Or is it?
The war we battle with our own desires is a powerful one. I am here to tell you that there IS a place between The Ruler and The Rebel - consider it their love child. And we shall name her, Balance.
Before we give Balance a list of attributes and core beliefs, I'd like to get back to Impulses and Inspired Actions.
The best way for me to describe the differences between these two arch enemies is with my own real examples. Read these examples and feel the difference in your body when you read them - this will help you identify them when they show up for you.
Impulses: I want it, all of it. Unquenchable. If it even gives me a little bit of energy, feelings of love or any other 'reward center of the brain' enhancing experience, GIVE IT TO ME NOW. (Hi Veruca Salt) Oh you want to judge me? I've got just the thing for that - MORE.
Inspired Action: In this moment, I am at peace - present to my surroundings, inspired by the birds communicating a lovely language to each other. I notice the breeze on my skin - I give thanks to a higher power. A thought enters my mind - an idea, an urge to go do something good, something for the betterment of myself or someone else. Hello, I'm centered - it's nice to meet you.
How often do you swing between impulses and inspired actions? I don't know about you but sometimes they seem so co-mingled it's hard to tell them a part. Is a deep URGE to take inspired action just another impulse?
Tip: In that moment, ask yourself - why I am doing this. Is it for a calling bigger than me? Am I trying to be in control here? It can't be both.
Ah HA - the root of it all. Control.
It's such an insidious thing really. What I have found is that until I truly got to a place of genuine self-acceptance, I couldn't get enough of this thing called control.
Insight: Call yourself out when you are leading with the Ruler. Who are you trying to control and why? Veruca is at the wheel and you must speak to her. Don't push her away, accept her (she is probably you as a child in some form), Love her.
If you can't look yourself in the mirror, dead in the eyes - and feel proud of who you are, we must invite love to the party.
In my early days of trying to turn the pain over to the light - I would stand in front of my bathroom mirror and say "I love you Lauren.” Not for nothin' but the demons hated it. It was extremely uncomfortable because my underbelly kept saying 'Yea but you did this.. you do this... you're not this.. you're not that.' It was really hard to keep eye contact.
^^ If this happens, it's okay. It's part of the process. Tapping into true love for yourself is the only way to transform the things that don't feel like they are going right in your life. It's the only way to release all forms of judgement and accept yourself for who you really are. Only then can you feel who you are really meant to be, only then will you tap into the essence of inspired actions.
Next up? Inspired action. Ask for help from the higher power of your choosing. Hold yourself accountable to making sure the actions you are taking align with who you really want to be, who you really are. (Hint: she is already in there, just waiting for you to call her).
And remember, we come from a source of pure love and then we return to a source of pure love. The in between? That's this thing called life, and the choice is yours.
Love,
L
p.s. Follow me on Spotify to catch the companion guide for this!