Practical tips for self-mastery.
So, it goes something like this. “I will never be able to do that, what will other people think of me? I am too scared to make a change, what if the money isn’t where I need it to be? I’ve been stuck in this dead-end job for years but whatever, it provides health insurance for me and my family…”
You see where I am going with this right?
Here’s the thing. Sabotage is REAL – and, insidious. You may not even recognize that what you are thinking and repeating to yourself are indeed subtle forms of sabotage. Now don’t get me wrong, all of those steps in your life are complete blessings – that steady job that you hate, is another person’s DREAM. Incremental progress means, you must start somewhere and appreciate all of it! The key is, not to get stuck.
My question to you is this, are you surviving or thriving?
As someone who spent many years just simply trying to survive, I completely get how challenging it can be to shift your mindset in pursuit of thriving.
Gut check. Do you have the itch? No, not that one! But seriously – the subtle desire for the next level. I don't mean promotions, I just mean - continuing the journey of learning and challenging yourself in new ways. Every year or two I crave an up-level. Stagnant isn’t part of my plan. I learned early on though that this itch, came with a lot of fear and the need to keep learning about myself. Change is scary – the kind of change I am talking about is radical change. No half steppin’.
Over time, those incremental steps you are taking towards your future seriously add up – yup just like those reoccurring contributions to that 401k. Don’t have one? We will save that topic for a rainy day – there is SO much energy associated with your relationship with money, it deserves its own, undivided attention.
So, it’s time to make those incremental steps count. It’s time to unlock your greatness.
When we get nice and comfy with a steady paycheck, a relationship that no longer serves us, compromising for a simple means to an end – when we struggle and suffer we are living in survival mode. I’ve been there. I don't for one second believe that we all start out on the same playing field, there are inequities all over the place. All I am suggesting is, instead of becoming victim to that circumstance, simply use it as your starting point - don't let it define you.
Easier said than done, but putting one foot in front of the other is all it takes. At one point, a new mom, denied benefits because I literally made a few bucks over the max allowed - counting every penny to figure out how to feed my kid and myself - I felt sick. When looking around at everything in my life, I was stuck in survival mode. Settling on relationships that treated me exactly as I treated myself, horribly. I built up loads of debt through college and then miraculously thought my dream job would be handed to me out of college. This was before I had my amazing daughter, and was still searching for a sense of purpose.
Enter, such pretty little forks in the road. (Thanks, Alanis)
You will be tested. Do what's right, what's hard - or do what's easy and yields immediate short term relief.
I did land that dream job – but a year or so in, I was suddenly faced with a choice. Even though I felt like I was going to throw up, I knew I had to do what’s right. No amount of money is worth selling your soul. (Read that again) Scary, lonely, terrifying - six months - no job, and hands to God, I surrender. The easy route would have been to just turn a cheek. But, the opportunity cost is huge. Integrity and character contain the very fiber of our self-worth and respect.
Which path did you take? Which path will you take?
Do what’s right or do what’s safe, the choice is yours. Lawd child, those two are typically on complete opposite ends of the spectrum. These moments have HUGE amounts of karmic energy attached to them. Yeah, Yeah – karma, whatever.
Well, let’s talk about that for a minute because it is a big component of unlocking your greatness.
Karma isn’t just a fun way of wishing revenge on someone without getting your hands dirty – it’s a lifestyle.
When I was first getting started out on this journey of self discovery, I would read all things law of attraction. What I had found pretty quickly is that the law of attraction is indeed very simple, and immensely complicated. The complication comes into play when we aren't woke to the fact that we are subconsciously putting thoughts and energy into motion.
I am creating all of this. All of it.
Our actions are only half of the equation. The intention and thought we pair with it is what really locks in the energy of karma.
Let me illustrate that with an example. Let’s say you apply for a new job. When you hit submit, your mind is flooded with doubting thoughts. ‘I’m never going to get this job,’ or ‘yeah right, they will never pay me what I am asking,' 'Here we go again, another one that won't call me back.'
PUMP THE BREAKS.
So, you mean to tell me that going through the motions and doing the things I ‘should’ be doing, isn’t enough to get where I want to go?
NERP. (That’s Cardi for nope)
It’s not, and I will tell you why. You don’t believe it. There is karmic energy stored in our beliefs, which in turn triggers the law of attraction. If you believe you aren’t good enough, everything in your outside world will validate that reality for you. Even if at face value, you are doing the things you think will get you to the next level.
Unlocking your greatness begins with reevaluating your beliefs, values and defining what you REALLY want. I’ve had many conversations over the years with people who are self-described as spinning their wheels. Never really being able to articulate what they want next – or what they see in the future. Slipping into this woe is me mentality, like the whole world is conspiring against them. You believe that? It shall be so.
You must create a vision so clear for yourself, that you can practically taste it – only then, will you set your energy into motion with the universe. You must feel, in your bones, that you are worthy.
So, here’s what I want you to do – only if you are ready. And, because you are reading this, I already know you are. If you haven't read any of my other posts, I recommend checking out Reclaim Your Shuffle, it's a great pre-req for the journaling work we are about to do! Really wanna go deep to determine the underlying stuff that isn't serving you any longer? 5 Steps to a New You will surely rock your world.
When you are ready to do the work (hint - you will never feel ready, just do it), find some quiet time for yourself, and sit down with a notebook. Take a moment and breathe. Clear out any expectations, thoughts or feelings. Just be. And then?
Journal on the following:
Who am I and why am I here?
If I stripped away my entire reality, and had a blank canvas – what would I create? Where would I live, what car would I drive, what kind of house? Who is with me? Have fun with this – let your deeper knowing and intuition take the wheel (don’t think about HOW you are going to get those things – just create.)
What’s my dream career and salary? Why am I drawn to this?
What type of people do I want around me? Relationships, family, friends – instead of naming people, name attributes! Loyal, loving, honest… you get the idea.
What do I want to be known for?
Have I been a blessing to others or a lesson to others? Maybe both? That’s okay – just list why. Sit with it, reflect and think about how you want to answer this question in 5 years.
With that last one, pay attention to any guilt you are harboring for any wrong doing. Clean that up – apologize with sincerity, vow to yourself to be better – and release it. If you aren’t ready to apologize and you keep F’in people over– you may need to recalibrate your integrity compass. Don’t hate the messenger – we all freaking learned the golden rule, it’s still golden! Be a good human, stop being a jerk. No more cheating and lying, you are digging a hole that will be harder to climb out of later. And your self-worth? You will have HUGE issues with that, whether your ego allows you to believe that fact or not.
Having a vision for ourselves is key, but being willing to take a step in the direction of our goals – is where the magic happens. After thinking about what you really want, and who you want to be – define three goals for yourself. Put them in a place you can see – turn it into a vision board, whatever works for you. Break those goals down to the smallest possible steps you can take, and then – take one at a time. Start with your beliefs, and transition those into action.
For me, I realized pretty quickly that my frame of mind was holding me back. I used to be terrified of public speaking – it just so happens, I was actually pretty good at it. Time after time of DESTROYING myself for weeks leading up to it, I was met with people reaching out to me telling me I was the best public speaker they’d ever heard. Um. What? Guys, it was a total fake it till you make it mentality that got me through it. Over time, that fear dissipated and I now find joy in connecting with groups of people to share a vision, story or present what I am working on! I stopped being a jerk to myself about it.
I also learned that ‘nerves’ can also just be PASSION waiting to burst! And, the more excited and passionate I am about delivering a message – the more I feel that energy in my body. Now, when it pops up – I take it as a good sign, and stop trying to push it away. I had a tendency of classifying EVERYTHING as anxiety, when in reality I simply had stored energy that was looking for an outlet.
Choose your outlets wisely. Will they bring you more of what you really want or push you further away from it?
The lesson there for me was – if I stopped at the fear, I never would have inspired other people with my message. AH HA! This isn’t about me at all! Who the heck am I to care about what anyone else thinks of me? What exactly am I afraid of? What is the worst that could happen?
So I might mess up, no one will notice – and if they do – they will most likely show way more grace to me then I do to myself.
The other important lesson I’ve learned over time is that your surroundings, reflect who you are. Tired of the dramatic people around you? Always bringing that mess your way? Hate to break it to you girlfriend, but – well, birds of a feather.
So how do you GET REAL and break these patterns? Stop taking such a hard look at everyone around you, and take a look inward. Cliché, I know – but seriously. Are you contributing to drama? Are you talking about other people negatively when they aren’t around? Are you lying to other people (even little lies!) – then guess what? You’re the cause, what you give is what you receive.
If you’ve done the work, and truly changed your beliefs, actions, approach, and have been honest to to yourself and those around you with what you need – your people, places and things will change. If you keep going through the motions and expect different results to magically appear – it’s not going to happen. Perhaps once or twice, but not long term. If you are too attached to the external factors – people, places and things – it can be very hard when the time comes for change. Just recognize it when it pops up.
On the people side – if they are really in your court, they will respond well and respect your needs and wishes. If not, lesson learned – thanks for showing me what I don’t want.
The key here is to remember that you are already great. You might just have to clear away a few layers that no longer serve you and your greatness.
In summary:
Remove self-limiting barriers
Redefine your beliefs and explore who you really are
Allow yourself to dream about what could be and what you really want
Get real with accountability and actions
Align your internal self-talk with love and honesty.
Healing takes time - this will continue to feel like a lifetime of 'work' - it's the most important work you will do, so don't avoid it. It's the key to unlocking it all.
You will not be honest with anyone else until you are honest with yourself first. When we hurt other people, two people suffer. That guilt goes under lock and key – screaming for a way out.
Listen, release and act accordingly.
Love, L